I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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