When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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