Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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