FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
