Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
