it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Enjoy the penises
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
