farters have to be the big spoon...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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