Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
