I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
