It's like a parade of train wrecks.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
