you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
