The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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