just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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