sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
