she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize