We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize