sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
