He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
No subtext here. People are naked.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
