I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My room smells like vodka and shame
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
