i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
