I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Welp...herpes.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
