I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
