his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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