I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
