just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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