I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
