saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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