I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
