We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
