Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
