am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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