I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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