Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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