your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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