He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
