I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Randomize
