after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize