there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
