i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
