Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
