remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
