i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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