The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
