alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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