And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
