Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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