good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
