so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
