i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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