Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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