So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
