he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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