Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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