How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
