My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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