I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
