fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
