Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
