made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
