"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
