I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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