If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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