he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize