so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
