I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
