I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
