giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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