This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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