I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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