and you said cock pushups were impossible
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
