his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
