Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
