Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
