you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
