yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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