I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
