I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
