well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
