fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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